Come Back To Bed

<p><strong style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Dear grouchy neighbor:</strong><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)> I'm considering your offer and need clarification before proceeding. </span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Despite being an artist I think you know that as a busy New Yorker I am also practical and straightforward.</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>That said I need to make sure you know that this could never turn into anything serious. </span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>I don't care if you're trying to get over your ex-girlfriend or hoping she'll eventually want to get back together with you-just don't project your messy feelings about her onto me.</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Because despite your resemblance to an underwear model I won't be falling for you. Ever.</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Yours with clear boundaries</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Bernadette</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>p.s. I'd like to be very clear that regardless of whether or not we do this nothing will change my feelings for your dog (and we both know she loves me too).</span></p><p></p><p><strong style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Dear nutty neighbor:</strong><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)> As a lawyer I must clarify that I never made an offer. </span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>It was a suggestion regarding the possibility of a non-permanent no-strings-attached arrangement between two consenting adults whose beds are separated by a wall.</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>As a man who shares your disdain for messy feelings I applaud your confidence in your ability to not fall for me. Hold on to that. </span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>I'd also like to make it clear that I don't care if you want to get over your crush on your boss or if you still hope he'll realize you're the woman of his dreams. </span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>That said I definitely wasn't thinking about my ex-girlfriend when I kissed you in the laundry room and I'm quite sure you weren't thinking about your boss.</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>As a dog daddy I'm glad you're so taken with my girl. But if you try to steal her I will get all Liam Neeson up in your pretty face.</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>As a busy New Yorker I think clear boundaries are hot. </span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>I have one hour free to blow your mind tonight. </span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>So turn off Netflix put down that glass of wine and let's do this.</span></p><p><span style=color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Yours for now Matt</span></p>