Did He Say Divorce?

Are You Dividing Up The Pots And Pans Or Is He Stealing Your Best China That Was Tucked Away In Boxes In The Garage? Whether You Were Married To The Slob Of Suckers Or The King Of Control Freaks You Will Live Vicariously In Joni Newmans Humorous Depictions Of Her Victories And Conquests While She Helps You To Achieve Self-Esteem And Leads You Back To Peace Once Again. --------- This Book Is Written With The Jilted Wife In Mind-You And Me. This Is A Self-Help/How To/Better-Not-Do-That/ Book Which Takes A Fresh Approach To The Subject Of Divorce Through Humor. It Is Intended To Show You That The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Isnt The Train Speeding Down The Tracks In Your Direction! As A Woman A Victim An Outcast And The Object Of His Evasive Attitude And Abusive Temperament I Am A Tad Prejudice. If You Are A Woman Who Has Been Stung By Her Mans Betrayal Of Lifes Promises And Are No Longer The Queen Bee In His Honeycomb (Or Do You Wish It Was His Catacomb?) This Book Will Help You Through The Intense And Debilitating Smut Of A Divorce. I Will Tell You My Story And You Can Log Your Own Story Right Beside Mine. Well Proceed Down This Bumpy Avenue Of Life That Is Often Gridlocked With His Obstructions. Then Well Trot Uphill Onto An Elevated Crest We Never Imagined We Could Reach In Light Of A Divorce. This Book Will Help You Find Purpose In Life Laugh At The Idiocy Of His Thinking And Put Your Confused Feelings In Perspective. Finally You Will Learn How To Validate Your Worth-Not As His Jilted Wife-But As Being Your Secure And Confidential Self. If You Think Youll Never Be Able To Tolerate Your Divorce Think Again. No One Taught You How To Breathe Or Spit Or Ovulate But You Managed To Perform These Activities Without Training In Boot Camp! Well Go Through This Together. Ill Explore My Hurt Feelings And You Will Recognize Them. And Through It All Well Discard The Maniac Who Disassembled Our Lives While We Beam With Confidence At The Pure Joy Of Independence. Well Nurture Our Souls And Hearts By Building A Much Better Life For Ourselves And Our Families. Well Graduate From The Whipped-Wimp Image Of Ourselves That He Molded To Suit Himself. As We Bring In The Junior Red Cross To Glue Our Clay-Mation Gumby Character Back To Her Original Formation Well Give A New Meaning To Mutual Bonds. Well Explore All The Avenues On Which You May Travel But None Will Lead You To A Dead-End. Also Ill Add A Touch Of Humor. Its Difficult I Know But It Is Better To Laugh At The Truth That Sometimes Seems Surreal. At The Conclusion Of Most Chapters I Will Give You Perceptive Perspectives Therapy Thoughts Little Life Lessons And Jokes. Ill Also Include Some Husband-Bashing Which Should Make You Feel A Lot Better. All Those Innuendoes Insults And Intrusive Aspersions That We Have Unjustly Suffered Will Now Be Explored Swallowed And Eventually Put To Death. Well Make Our Heartaches Turn Into His Headaches. Well Watch Our Dreams Grow Without Him Putting Up Obstacles And Hurdles For Which We Used To Apologize And Ultimately Regurgitate. Youll Share With Me My Thoughts Criticisms Opinions And Plots For Revenge. And I Know Youll Come Up With A Few Of Your Own. Well Explore Compare And Examine Our Divorce Through Alternative Viewpoints: The Three Trimesters Of Divorce And The Five Stages Of Grief. Ill Even Tell You My Secret For Happiness! And In The End Well Be Much Better Off Without That Speed Bump We Once Called A Husband. Did He Say Divorce? D-D-Divorce. Okay So I Stuttered A Little At The D Word. Who Wouldnt Stutter If They Had The Rug Pulled Out From Them Especially If That Rug Came Off The Top Of His Bald Head? So Here You Are Tripping Over That D Word Too. You May Be Left With Financial Burdens Emotional Abandonment And No More Supplies Of Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream. How