Finding Me

This Was Not Meant To Be A Book. When I Was A Child I Knew There Was Something Different About Me But I Didn'T Know What It Was. I Knew It Had To Be A Secret Because If Anyone Found Out About It I Would Be Trouble. I Thought Of It As Different Levels Of Myself. I Got Into Therapy To Help My Teenaged Daughter. Who Knew I Would Get Help Too! My Therapist Understood Immediately When I Told Her That I Had Levels. I Was Diagnosed With Multiple Personality Disorder (Now Known As Dissociative Identity Disorder) And Learned They Are Called Alters Rather Than Levels. There Are Four Alters: The Infant Center Of The Universe Was A Tiny Baby; A Little Girl Who Was The Keeper Of The Secrets; Andrew A Preschooler Who Lives In The Moment Without Thought Of Consequences; And The Shadow. I Was Terrified Of The Shadow Because I Thought It Wanted To Kill Me. My Therapist Suggested I Get A Journal To Work In While We Dealt With This Disorder. After Each Session I Thought Hard About Living With This Disorder So I Could Convey It In A Way My Therapist Could Understand. Working On The Journal Was Difficult And Painful At Times But It Became A Journey To Peace Understanding And Healing For Me. I Never Intended For Anyone Other Than My Therapist To See The Journal. The Alters Are Integrated Now And We Are All Working Together. I Recently Showed My Journal To Several Doctors Who Were Working With Me And They All Told Me That I Needed To Publish The Journal As A Book. They Said It Would Be A Great Teaching Tool Because There Is Nothing Like It Available Now. So...This Book Is That Journal Unedited And Unaltered.