Finding Shiva: An Inner Journey Of The Performative Experience

After high school I was not sure about whether I should pursue dance or a technical subject. Awaiting clarity I spent many months considering my options.While I was in the midst of this confusion someone asked me “What brings you closer to yourself?” I didn’t respond immediately but in my mind the answer was clear. “Dance brings me closer to myself” I thought. It was such an odd question yet strangely it influenced a life decision. How can one be closer to or farther from oneself?I knew that dance would begin to reveal something to me at some point in time but I wasn’t sure of what this thing would be. The act of dancing holds something within it that I wanted to discover. What if I could imbibe my life with the clarity of thought precision control and simultaneous surrender that I am able to wield as a performer? Wouldn’t life change inexplicably for the better?The applause bursts like rain clatteringFrom a cloud too heavy to holdMy elation bathes me as sweat tricklesDown my forehead a moment beforeIt stings my eye to remind me to seeThey applaud the dance not me.If I were to fall prey my dance entwinedWith only moments of applause to remindOf my days of yore. No never not.Dance is me and yet not at all...- Rukmini Vijayakumar