funny as hell

<p><strong>Mad Comedy</strong> presents the ultimate collection of riotously funny new jokes. From America's top standup comics these jokes are fresh from beer-soaked microphones of the hottest comedy clubs and are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>The Discriminating Palate</strong></p><p><br></p><p>A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender Give me your finest 19-year scotch.</p><p><br></p><p>The bartender figures the man won't know the difference so he decides to trick the man with 5-year scotch. </p><p><br></p><p>The man takes a sip scowls and says Bartender this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 19-year scotch. </p><p><br></p><p>The bartender tries once more with a 10-year scotch. </p><p><br></p><p>The man takes a sip grimaces and says Bartender I don't want 10-year scotch like this filth. Give me 19-year scotch! </p><p><br></p><p>Impressed the bartender gets the 19-year scotch from the top shelf. The man takes a sip and sighs Ah now that's the good stuff. </p><p><br></p><p>A disgusting grimy stinking old drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the man and slurs Hey I think that's really amazing what you can do. Try this one. </p><p><br></p><p>The man takes a sip and immediately spits it out on the bar and cries Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss! </p><p><br></p><p>The drunk's eyes light up and he says Yeah it is piss -- now tell me how old I am!</p><p><br></p><p><strong>Sensitivity</strong></p><p><br></p><p>The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings.</p><p><br></p><p>But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media.</p><p><br></p><p><strong>The Surprise Visitor</strong></p><p><br></p><p>A man rings a doorbell and an eleven-year-old boy answers the door wearing a silk robe smoking a blunt with a cloud of marijuana smoke swirling around his head and with a glass of bourbon in one hand.</p><p><br></p><p>Taken aback the man asks Is your mom home?</p><p><br></p><p>What do you think? asks the boy.</p>