How To Professionally Say F*ck Off

<p><strong style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>WARNING: This book contains dangerously effective professional alternatives to workplace profanity. </strong><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Side effects may include promotions office-wide fear of your emails and the ability to make people apologize while you're telling them off.</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Is your office vocabulary limited to typing per my last email while quietly banging your head against the keyboard? Do you spend meetings mentally translating let's circle back into words that would make HR faint? Have you ever muted yourself on a meeting just to scream into a pillow?</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>CONGRATULATIONS! You need this book. Multiple copies of this book. Like one for your desk one for your bag and one to accidentally leave in the break room next to that passive-aggressive note about cleaning the microwave.</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>How to Professionally Say F*ck Off: An HR-Approved Corporate Translation Guide for the Professionally Exhausted is your Rosetta Stone for converting workplace rage into language so beautiful people might thank you for telling them off.</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>WHY YOU NEED MULTIPLE COPIES:</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- One to highlight</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- One to keep pristine</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- One to throw across the room</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- One to give that coworker who keeps touching base</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- One for your therapist (they'll understand)</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- One to hide in the office bathroom for emergency situations</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>PERFECT GIFT FOR:</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- The person who just got promoted to managing their former teammates (godspeed)</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- Your work spouse who's one quick question email away from losing it</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- That frenemy who responds to everything with meeting invites</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- The entire IT department (they deserve this)</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- Your favorite HR person (wrapped in a brown paper bag delivered anonymously)</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>- Everyone who's ever received an email starting with friendly reminder</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Buy in bulk! Because nothing says I value our professional relationship quite like helping your entire office master the art of professionally saying f*ck off.</span></p><p></p><p></p>