I Was Gone Long Before I Left: What Living in the Monastery for Twenty-Five Years Taught Me about Life

In St. Teresa of Avilas classic spiritual book Interior Castle she describes a difficult period of time in her spiritual journey when she said When I think of myself I feel like a bird with a broken wing. When I left the monastery thirty-eight years ago this was exactly how I felt. I Was Gone Long Before I Left is the story about my interior struggle to leave the monastery after living this lifestyle for over twenty-five years. It explores the reasons why I went to the monastery why I stayed why I eventually left and what I have learned. Maybe more importantly it describes the many years of mental anguish confusion and depression that I went through to finally make this decision. It has brought back many painful memories and experiences and called for an honesty and vulnerability that I found daunting. For over thirty-eight years I have been unable to write about my experience of life in the monastery because I felt ashamed. For years I thought about leaving but couldnt make this decision because I felt paralyzed psychologically and emotionally. Now after all these years I have found the courage to share my story.