Journey Down the Muddy Road

Have you ever been triggered and started daydreaming where you keep re-living the scene over and over. Well that was me I have been stuck for a decade. More and more things appear from my past that I just wanted to get out of my head. Now I have. As a child my life was terrible. Not all terrible but some of things were. Those are the things I cant let go of. One day I was in church and was wondering why do I pick terrible men? Why do I make these decisions? Why am I the way I am? Why was I silent and never told my parents? Why? My pastor sat me down and started to ask me about my childhood. When I tell you I suppressed everything from my childhood it was crazy. I am 36 years old and this was about 13 years ago where everything re-surfaced and now I am livid. Trigger after trigger I remember more and more. I just wanted to write it down so I can move on. Certain times while writing I would cry buy a bottle of wine and just cry. Pitiful! When that wouldnt work I wrote funny poems; which helped. These poems arent perfect as this is my first time writing but I am proud that I tried. I am trying to heal from my mistakes childhood just everything.