My Funeral Friend(s)

Hitchhikers can be an unpredictable lot to say the least. But if they share one thing in common its that theyre all desperate. And its that very notion that drives Mitch Harpring to seek them out. You see Mitch doesnt care where you are how you got there or where youre going. Hell take you as far as you need to go. All he asks all he wants in return is that you go to his funeral when he dies. The only catch is Mitch has worked in a stock room and locked himself up in his apartment at night for about...a decade. That isnt the interesting part of his story mind you. Its merely a means of illustrating just how physically and mentally unprepared Mitch is to take on a street gang a semi-truck multiple stabbings and the worlds most frightening spider. Ever. But hes willing to risk it all so long as he can get somebody anybody to come to his funeral.