Nightlight

About three things I was absolutely certain. First Edwart was most likely my soul mate maybe. Second there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third I unconditionally irrevocably impenetrably heterogeneously gynecologically and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight. . Pale and klutzy Belle arrives in Switchblade Oregon looking for adventure or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?. Complete with romance danger insufficient parental guardianship creepy stalker-like behavior and a vampire prom Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl looking for love in all the wrong places.