Nobody Rides for Free

From The Late 1970S Through The Mid-1980S I Was An Americanhitchhiker. I Hitched Across The Entire United States And Back Twice.Once I Made It From Portland Oregon To Baltimore Maryland Infour And A Half Days. On Another Trip I Hitched From BirminghamAlabama To Baltimore In Twenty Hours. I Hitched Down The East Coastand Up The West Coast. I Rode Across Nebraska In The Back Of A Pickuptruck With A Driver Who Wouldnt Stop For Anything And Spent The Nightin A School Bus In Bodega Bay California. I Endured A Continuousstream Of Homosexual Advances From Drivers In The Bay Area Andwas Terrified By A Pack Of Wild Dogs While Squatting On Crow Indianland. I Hopped A Freight Train In Portland Oregon And Spent The Nightunder The Famous Space Needle In Seattle Washington. I Almost Gotbusted In Montana For Smoking Pot Out Of An Empty Beer Can Andwas Hassled By Cops In New Orleans And Texas. I Narrowly Escapedinjury At The Hands Of Commercial Fishermen In Boston Who Caught Mesleeping In Their Boat And Had The Bejesus Scared Out Of Me By Asixty-Five-Year-Old Massachusetts Woman Who Used Her 1963 Rambleras An Offensive Weapon. I Met A Bunch Of Gay Guys Truck DriversStoners Petty Thieves Ex-Cons Heavily Armed Rednecks And Some Very Nice People Too. I Was A Lot Younger Then But I Wouldnt Trade Thoseexperiences For The World.You Hardly Ever See Hitchhikers Anymore But A Few Years Ago Wewere Everywhere. But Before I Launch Into My Story A Brief Historylesson Is In Order.