Not Natural

<p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>Not Natural is the term with which I was labeled as a child by my relatives.</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>It has always caused me severe pain and suffering throughout my life.</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>With no memory of the first 10 years of my life and only vague exceptions to this with some painful and hurtful events and absolutely no knowledge of what occurred in that period to cause my mind to close my journey through this life has been fraught with obstacles that at times have seemed way too big to surmount.</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>My story is one of adoption abuse trauma stigmatization compartmentalization destructive stepchildren mental illness divorce estrangement and loneliness.</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>The only time in my life that I was ever truly happy and confident was when I was nursing. My passion in life is to love others care for them and help them to feel better within themselves. The care I afforded was truly appreciated in nursing as in no other area of my life. I lost my beloved nursing and my wish to study medicine by the actions of my narcissistic husband.</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>I suffered from such severely handicapped self-awareness and worth that I truly believed that I was not capable of achieving anything worthwhile in life. This concept was brainwashed into me since my earliest memories by my adoptive mother.</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>This sad bewildering and unfathomable story is how I progressed through a life in which I could not grasp why I was not loved.</span></p><p><br></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(0 0 0 0); color: rgba(0 0 0 1)>As I have tried desperately with the assistance of psychiatrists and psychologists to heal from this traumatic journey for a decade the only solace I have found is in Meditation Spirituality and Mindfulness. My journey to well-being is ongoing as I am unable to accept the loss of four of my children and many grandchildren with them.</span></p><p><br></p>