Pain Pain Pain....... Still So Much Pain

I found myself asking as a child and as a grownup What is happiness? I did not know that there could be so much sadness and unhappiness in anyones life. So many times I would ask myself is this a dream? Does a father suppose to treat his family like this? Money was not a problem.We as an African American family was not lacking in this capacity not at all. We went to church every Sunday but were cursed out before we went by daddy who would hit the top of the bedroom doors as hard as he could with his fist and say get your black asses up. He was a so-called diligent church worker.We were an upper middle-class family that lived in this big house. We live better than most of or the average Caucasian family. We had cattle horses chickens goats lambs pigs and cotton fields and property. He was the general labor foreman over the rest of the foremen at a giant petrochemical company as a contractor as far as I remember. This was in the late 1950s through about the mid or late 1970s.Why was my my sisters my brother and mothers lives so miserable and horrible? We also had cars trucks and some money. What was or went wrong? My father was not a drunk not on narcotics and not a gambler.I invite you to read this story and you may see why there was so much Pain and still so much pain. The pain was through almost my entire life.