Poems of a Spectrum-Autist

he term Spectrum-Autist is how I describe one who is diagnosed with Autism-Spectrum Disorder. Since I do not think of Autism as a disorder I prefer Spectrum-Autist. Being a Spectrum-Autist is to live in the in-between. In-between a typical person and a profound Autist. The in-between is a difficult place to be. People can see me both as normal and as strange. At first meeting me there are not obvious signs and people often assume that I am like conventional humans. The more time they spend in conversation with me however that view can rapidly deteriorates but they do not quite know why. They often recognize introversion though I have been told by other introverts that I am off the chart introverted. For a while painfully introverted suited me for a label. It is quite literally painful to be among a group of people expected to interact and also to be alone unable to be the person that I want to be. At times I thought that I would slip into deep autism never to emerge. Meanwhile I somehow got through school college graduate school and a doctorate. I learned other languages as part of my educational requirements. Autistic people are not supposed to be good at language right? It was only later that I discovered with the help of a brilliant and compassionate psychologist Doctor James Pallas that I have (what was then called) Aspergers Syndrome. What is that? I asked. He first put it in simple terms. You are a verbal-autistic. A verbal autist. Who knew? He took me through the diagnostic criteria and it explained so much of my life my behavior and the way that I express myself.