Surviving the Unthinkable: Choosing to Live After Someone You Love Chooses to Die

Losing a dearly loved family member or friend suddenly unexpectedly and tragically jars us at our very core. We shudder at the thought of it. When that loss results from a suicide it defies and assaults everything in us. The unthinkable is often considered not survivable. In Surviving the Unthinkable theology professor Don J. Payne exits the classroom and invites you into the chambers of his personal experience of that indescribable loss. This intensely personal narrative traces his process through shock grief anger fear and a host of unexpected sensations to redemption and hope. Yet he offers no psychological analysis or formula to make it all OK. Here you will find hope--gritty realistic hope that will deepen the resources of anyone who walks the unthinkable path of losing someone they love to suicide. Life on the other side of such a nightmare will never be the same but there is life and it can be good. Don Payne gives voice to the experience in a way that extends a healing hand to any who wonder if they can survive. Having been one of Dons mentors having sat with him as this tragedy unfolded I am grateful that the powerful insights in this book will mentor and guide all of us when the painful unexpected moments may happen in our own lives. I welcome reading this again and passing it on to many others in their pain-filled times of needing a voice that has been there and lives to tell about it with honest grace. --Wes Roberts Founder/CCO/Master Mentor Leadership Design Group Wow! An amazing primer on grief and grieving. Written by a suicide survivor who reports in depth about how his brothers unthinkable and unsuspected death shocks Paynes soul mind heart and body. I highly valued the author before I received this classic resource for people who try to recover from loss. My careful reading increased my regard for him. If given permission I will share copies with every client colleague and relative who grieves. I will ask if we can promote this book on both of our mentoring websites. I admire Dr. Paynes transparency and vulnerability. In Don I see the balance of masculine and feminine shared from a seminary professors perspective and based on his acceptance of energy-draining emotions such as anger fear and hurt. Throughout his insights are provocative invariably tied to Bible passages and promises. This textbook acknowledges Don Payne who consistently uses metaphors analogies and stories to expedite our learning. Before studying this impressive account I knew him as a trainer. Now I can add that he is a magnificent writer who has been broken by his brothers untimely death. He is embracing a recovery process by acknowledging that My journey with the aftermath of a suicide will never entirely end (page 45). He shares and models brilliant insights practical tools and caring strategies that encourage all of us who grieve. I like the peace he is experiencing in Jesus. I will strive to be a better person and Christian psychologist because of this gem and its author. --G. Brian Jones CEO/Psychologist CCC/The Mentoring Group CCC/Faith Mentoring and More Surviving the Unthinkable is a first person glimpse into a club membership no one wants to join--being a survivor of a loved ones suicide. Readers travel with Payne on his journey of trying to make sense out of his brothers suicide. He names the raw pain of a survivor caught up in the whirlwind of those who are left behind. Yet there is also realistic hope as he leans on and into his Christian faith without sugarcoating the struggle. Survivors will recognize a fellow Club member and find a companion for their journey; caregivers will find insights for joining survivors as they navigate the unthinkable. --Jan McCormack Director Chaplaincy and Pastoral Counseling Programs Denver Seminary Don J. Payne is Associate Professor of Theology and Christian Formation at Denver Seminary where he has served since 1998. H