Talks with Tolstoi

My first visit to the house of Leo Nikolaevich was on January 20th 1896. I was not then twenty-one years old. I was almost a boy. I was taken to the Tolstois’ by a well-known Moscow lady singer who used to visit the Tolstois. She took me there in my capacity as pianist of course. If one is so unlucky as to play some instrument or to sing or recite one has a constant impediment in one’s relations with people. People do not take to one are not interested in one as in a person: one is asked to play something to sing to recite.... Hence one feels so embarrassed so awkward in other people’s society. I felt awkward then and painfully shy. I was introduced. I went into the drawing-room where fortunately two or three people I knew were sitting. I did not yet see Tolstoi. Shortly afterwards he came in dressed in a blouse with his hands in his belt. He greeted us all. I do not remember whether he spoke to me then. Then I played and played badly. Of course out of politeness I was thanked and complimented which made me inexpressibly ashamed. And then when I stood in the middle of the large room at a loss not knowing what to do with myself not daring to raise my eyes Leo Nikolaevich came up to me and speaking with a simplicity which was his alone began to talk to me.