The Complete Works of Artemus Ward Part 1

There is a story of two smart Yankees one named Hosea and the other Hezekiah who met in an oyster shop in Boston. Said Hosea As to opening oysters why nothing's easier if you only know how. And how's how? asked Hezekiah. Scotch snuff replied Hosea very gravely-Scotch snuff. Bring a little of it ever so near their noses and they'll sneeze their lids off. I know a man who knows a better plan observed Hezekiah. He spreads the bivalves in a circle seats himself in the centre reads a chapter of Artemus Ward to them and goes on until they get interested. One by one they gape with astonishment at A. Ward's whoppers and as they gape my friend whips 'em out peppers away and swallows 'em.