The Experience of Competent Never Married Over Forty Adults

Remaining single into later life is often seen from the deficit model of being unmarried but in this study older competent never married people are studied from a normative perspective. Using Erikson’s developmental theory and relational analytic thought six common attributes emerged: On One’s Own; On the Periphery; The Responsible One; Independent in Relationships; Comfort Zone/Make a Difference; and A Space of One’s Own. An independent sense of identity was found within a relational matrix with a Winnicotian capacity to be alone. Marriage is secondary to ensuring a space of one’s own despite valuing relationships. Additionally a near perfect correlation between anxiety and avoidance was found but only in romantic attachments. Theses never married adults have a different developmental path than their married counterparts with equally meaningful relationships and lives and high levels of life satisfaction. Using individual values and beliefs as guides rather than relying upon conventional choices or marriage these individuals reveal prolonged singleness as a different but successful developmental pathway.