The Face of Depression: A Journey from Hell to Healthy

This is the story of my life living with chronic suicidal depression and the journey I traveled to find health with TMS Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. It is the account of having a successful career in spite of debilitating depression sometimes working in the public eye on as many as 5 medications at a time. It is the story of someone who was given what most would think is everything in life to live successfully and the self-hate that developed in spite of the education and privilege afforded her.It is also an in-depth description of what it feels like to live in the black hole. I describe the black hole as a state in which there is no hope no emotion (other than fear and anxiety) no interest and no ability to function in the world even in the simplest ways.I describe the changes I went through as I had TMS treatments and what they have allowed me to do. The in-depth description of this new FDA-approved treatment gives the reader the ability to actually understand the changes and feelings of well-being that begin to evolve as I had more and more treatments. It also touches on the fact that I have been on a maintenance program of TMS which few people have chosen to do and how effective that program is for me.Finally it is a cry to tell ones story as a major part of healing instead of hiding in shame from the incorrect perception that depression still has the stigma that it had 40 years ago. It is a plea to encourage others to seek treatment and to talk about mental illness.