The First Time: Paula's Story

From the back cover: Things arent going too good for Paula right now. Shes new in town has stress at home and is unhappily in love. And the other girls are not only more good-looking than she - they are all involved with boys and even have hot stuff going on. Shes the only one whos left behind. And whereas the others go to Cancun for the holidays shes supposed to go to her aunt somewhere boring on the shore of Lake Michigan.But then a lot of things start happening - with Matthew and love and her body. And she discovers that a lot of stuff is not at all the way the others have been telling her. Why this story?First time sex - there are as many stories about this as there are women and girls. Each one is different.Countless girls and young women have told me their stories. In my groups they shared their valuable experiences with me and the other girls and thus placed their trust in us.In Paulas Story I would like to pass on what was essential in these stories. One central message is that what matters is how it feels.When touch Eros and sex do not feel good they harm us. What others think or expect of us is completely unimportant. And everything we learn about sex in the media often makes us feel pressured and even more often has nothing to do with reality.Paulas first experiences with love sensuality and sexuality therefore deal with the question: What does it feel like for me? Truthfully?Paula also hears a lot about her girlfriends experiences. Some of the supposedly beautiful experiences later turn out to be wishful thinking or bravado and some unpleasant ones only come to light after a while. There too the question that we are all dealing with is: What do I really feel? What do I do because I myself want to? And what do I do out of fear of losing my boyfriend or so as not to come across as prudish or uptight?I want Paulas Story to empower girls and women to trust their own feelings and their own bodies - not the images and messages they get from television magazines and the internet.The earlier they find a self-confident attitude toward their own bodies and feelings the more beautiful will be their sexual experiences also as adult women.Karin LinnanderPsychologist M.A.Spezializing in youth sexuality; have worked many years with girls in preparation of their first time also in schools.