The Neat Before Christmas

Covered in ashes in soot merry old St. Nicholas bounds down the chimney of a persnickety fellow who freaks out over Santa''s hygiene! The whole family will enjoy this rollicking hilarious and ultimately heartwarming retelling of Clement C. Moore''s beloved classic Christmas poem ''Twas the Night Before Christmas. A little bit Grinch a little bit Charlie Brown Christmas it''s a Christmas book filled with humor and heart.With delightful new riffs on the original poem by Harold Buchholz writer on the acclaimed Netflix comedy series Mystery Science Theater 3000 each stanza has a hilarious new line of poetry added by the story''s judgmental narrator:''Twas the night before Christmas and all through the houseNot a creature was stirring not even a mouse(Except for the snoring that came from my spouse)....When what to my wondering eyes should appearBut a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.Boy that guy at the helm didnt know how to steer!...And then in a twinkling I heard on the roofThe prancing and pawing of each little hoofAnd I feared for our shingles that were not hoof-proof....As I drew in my head and was turning aroundDown the chimney Saint Nicholas came with a bound!I gasped at the mess hed just made and I frowned....A bundle of toys was flung on his backAnd he looked like a peddler just opening his packWith his gnarly old fingers all grimy and black....His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bowAnd the beard of his chin was as white as the snowThats been piled by the street where theyd plowed weeks ago....He had a broad face and a little round bellyThat shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jellyWhen I mentioned his pipe was offensively smelly....He was chubby and plump a right jolly old elfAnd I laughed when I saw him in spite of myselfCause I wondered how hed ever fit on the shelf.You won''t believe what St. Nicholas leaves in his stocking!A great family book to share laughter and read aloud for the holidays this volume features beautiful classic storybook watercolor illustrations by Ethel Hays.