What the Cat Dragged In

<p>WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN is a collection of short stories poems and personal essays. Many have been published and most have won prizes in literary contests.</p><p>“Just quit your bitchin’ and let me drive” college president Clarence Rally growled at his wife Lucy as he turned left on a one-way street marked “No Left Turn.”</p><p>“Your attitude is irritating beyond belief” she snapped. Car horns blared at them.  “Do you want to get us killed?”</p><p>Like a race car driver President Rally hunkered down over the steering wheel. “What I want is for you to stop nagging” he growled again.</p><p>“Then for God’s sake pay attention!  You’ve got to get off this street!”</p><p>“And you’ve got to get off my back!”</p><p>“Well why in God’s name did you give me the map and ask for directions?  You’ve ignored everything I’ve said!”  </p><p><em>An excerpt from the short story “A Story of An Hour.”</em></p><p> </p><p>THE FUNERAL OF A FIRST HUSBAND</p><p>What do you do about your first husband’s funeral?<br />if you were his second wife<br />and three more followed<br />along with no-telling-how-many girlfriends?<br />Do you wear black or another solemn color and waltz in with a flair?<br />Do you send flowers or a card to the widow?<br />commiserating? congratulating?<br />For advice with this social conundrum whom do you ask?<br />Miss Manners?  Dear Abby?  Dear Ann?<br />Erma Bombeck would have made a wry comment.<br />Alas she’s not commenting anymore.<br />If all the ex-wives and girlfriends attended the service as a herd<br />you could sit together and raise a loud lamentation<br />about what a sorry son-of-a-bitch he was.<br />But that would embarrass the children and grandchildren<br />and one great on the way<br />now a sizeable bump beneath your granddaughter’s green jacket<br />sitting at the front of the church with the rest of the family.<br />Yours and his.<br />So out of love for the treasured bump<br />you along with your second husband<br />teeth clenched; both go to your first husband’s funeral.<br />And you might even manage to cry.  A little.<br /> </p><p>A friend of mine gave me a darling package of cocktail napkins.  Each napkin reads “Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes.  It’s our job to stomp on them until they mature into something you would like to have dinner with.”</p><p>Ain’t it the truth honey.</p><p>Last year during the holidays this package of napkins gave me hope and inspiration.  While shopping decorating and wrapping gifts I entertained secret thoughts about reforming or “putting the stomp” on my husband.</p><p>I used to stomp him pretty well but in the last few years I’ve gotten lax and he isn’t even close to being fine wine.  Instead he’s still a messy old grape.</p><p> </p><p>What the Cat Dragged In is a collection of the funny and sad delightful and profound.  Each piece leaves us with the vibrations of this stunningly witty author through whom it passed.  Accolades Ms. Stephenson a standing ovation.  I’ve read each one over and over – and here I go again.<br />~ Carolyn Wall author of Sweeping Up Glass and Playing with Matches</p>