You Can't Make This Shit Up

<p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>Hi I'm Staci. Born after a failed vasectomy mother of four by 22 and proud survivor of multiple marriages haunted hayrides and three separate Heimlich maneuvers.</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>This is not your average inspirational memoir. It's more like if trauma had a group chat with sarcasm glitter and questionable life choices. In these pages you'll find:</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>• The time one kid superglued the other's eye shut</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>• The exact moment I kicked a machete barefoot on a kayak trip (spoiler: blood. so much blood)</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>• The lie where I convinced my daughters they were triplets</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>• The legendary day I walked into a light pole in Salem Massachusetts</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>• And that one time I tried to cross the street and ended up in a whole other state</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>You'll also meet Randy the raccoon (I thought he moved to the barn-he didn't) my husband Josiah (aka my mail escort) and Tia-the She to my Nanigans.</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>If you like your memoirs raw ridiculous and laced with did she really just say that?-welcome home.</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>I'm not here to teach you how to live your best life.</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>I'm here to remind you that sometimes surviving it at all deserves a damn trophy.</span></p><p></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>You can't make this shit up.</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>But I did live it.</span></p><p><span style=background-color: rgba(255 255 255 1); color: rgba(15 17 17 1)>And now? I'm handing it to you-messy hilarious and absolutely unfiltered.</span></p><p></p>